If Only It Wasn't You
by The Song's Mistress
Summary: Itachi didn't know Sasuke's secret, even if he had said it over a million times. It only took one more time for him to see the message. Yaoi, rape, sex, angst, language, and probable character death.
1. The Memories

Heyas! This is my first attempt of writing yaoi (When I get started, it turns to crap ;;), and so you can tell me whatever you want about it. Also, the lemon will appear later :3 Be patient, children! BUT NO FLAMES!!! I'm sort of pissed at all the flames I got last time for a REVIEW. If it's that bad, I might as well say I don't want them -.- First, Sasuke _might_ (MIGHT) be OOC in this story, but just bear with me, he's a bit odd anyways . Also, everyone knows I hate Sakura, and that Itachi is **MIEN**.

**Itachi:** Yep.

**Crimson**: Wait, how'd you get here?

**Itachi:** Through the door, foolish girl. –Gestures to the door behind him-

**Crimson**: Oh. –Glomps Itachi-

**Itachi:** AHHHHHH!!! –Tries to get away but can't-

**Crimson**: -Coughs and stands up after a few minutes, dusting herself off- Anyways, to the disclaimer! (Excuse my rambling earlier :D) Ahem...

**((A/N: Crimson Lotus does NOT own Naruto, Warcraft, or any other games/anime she plays/watches because she's _dirt poor_. All characters that aren't talked about in movies, trailers, episodes, or games portaining to this fic (OOC's) are owned by Crimson's mind, and her fics aren't copied, _no matter how much_ it looks like someone else's story.))**

**Itachi:** Even though she copies her friend's homework...

**Crimson**: Quiet, you! –Mad face-

**Fic Pairing(s): ItaSasu (Uchihacest), NaruSasu (One sided), SakuSasu (One sided)**

**Fic Rating: 18+**

**Fic Summary: To provoke his brother to kill him sooner, Itachi appears by his bedside, just standing in front of him, waiting. What happens if the younger Uchiha wakes up? What happens if Itachi doesn't get the response he was expecting? What if the hate was really a forbidden love?**

**Fic Time: After Sasuke comes back from Orochimaru (Yep, I hate that bastard just as much as Sakura)**

_**If Only It Wasn't You**_

**Chapter 1: The Memories**

* * *

Sasuke looked up above him, lying on the grass beneath him, and sighing. This was one of the only areas he could have peace: a clearing in the middle of the forest where he trained. He decided to call it a day, and was going to go home, but couldn't help notice the pink-tinted clouds, and how they reminded the boy so much of him. He shivered at his memories and thoughts, yet he still stood there, reminded of what his brother had done. 

_"When you have the same eyes as me, seek me out. Only then will you be strong enough to compare to me."_

"The bastard," Sasuke muttered, lying down on the green grass, now tinted yellow and orange because of the retreating sun. He had been thinking a lot more about the murderer he used to call "Aniki" and "Nii-san", which had all changed at the massacre of his clan. He still had nightmares about the sight of his parents and relatives being slaughtered by his brother, now in the Akatsuki, a group made for S-class criminals that had abandoned their shinobi villages. He didn't know why he was thinking about this. He didn't know what caused him to snap every time his brother's name was mentioned. He didn't know why he'd cry when he was alone, sometimes whispering his brother's name as he curled into a ball, wanting to forget it all. "He should have just killed me too..."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes as he looked at a random cloud in the sky. 'It looks like a weasel...' he thought, before scowling slightly, and looking at another mauve clouds as they moved into the horizon, trying and failing at forgetting the cloud he had just seen. He shook his head, as he spotted another oddly-shaped cloud.

'One in the shape of a fox...' he sighed, remembering Naruto. The blonde ninja had tried to help him, but almost lost his life to the person he tried to save... He still regretted the incidents.

Sasuke looked far in the sky, seeing another cloud. 'A scarecrow...' he thought, before frowning slightly. Kakashi was one of the best jounin he had seen, and he even tried sealing the curse mark he had gotten. It was all to protect him.

When he tried looking for another cloud though, he was left disappointed, as the sky was already turning the dark purple it always did. One thing caught his attention though: the only remaining cloud. It was being overcome by the purple. "Sakura," he said, thinking out loud. He would never forget the fangirl's never-dying worry for the young Uchiha. She was one of the only girls he had met that had obessed over him, but soon gave up, her love never faltering for the onyx-eyed Uchiha. She was the first one to greet him back in Kohonagakure, and the last one to leave his side as he was going home.

He stared emotionlessly at the sky, before getting up, and jutsu'ing back into the Uchiha compound. He sighed, before retiring to a bed.

'Wait...' he thought, sniffing slightly. 'Maybe a bath before bed would be wiser.' Smelling the air around him, he slightly grimaced. Maybe he should have gotten back sooner.

* * *

Dipping into the hot, steaming water, Sasuke had haunting memories. 

"_Aniki, what are you doing in he- A-Aniki!" Sasuke gasped, as Itachi had entered the bathroom, stripping himself of his clothes, and going in with little Sasuke. Well, really, Itachi didn't go in there to help Sasuke with his bath. Actually, he didn't even go in there to take a bath at all._

_Pants and moans could be heard, as well as shrill cries and screams of ecstasy, as Itachi fucked innocent little Sasuke in the bathtub, no one else in the compound but them. As Itachi had rushed into little Sasuke with his large erection, and didn't bother to lube his brother, his younger brother cried out in pain, tears streaming down his eyes, and Itachi grinning sadistically. Every time he thrusted into him, Itachi would moan, when Sasuke had cried out in both overwhelming pain and overriding pleasure. Sasuke was being grinded against the wall, but he didn't care. No one was at home, no one but them would know of their encounter, and no one would know of their special 'loving' sessions. As long as his aniki was fine, he was too._

_And that's what made it all wrong..._

Sasuke mentally reminded himself to stop thinking about that incident. It was in the past, and it had nothing to do with what was going on now, even if Sasuke still loved his brother.

Sasuke scrubbed shampoo into his hair, washing it away in the dirtying bath water. Brown started to come out of his hair, as dust, soil, and sand that had collected there over the day started to wash away. Sasuke sighed. Being alone, for him, was mostly the best he could hope for, now that his family was dead. No one knew he liked men. No one knew he didn't like women. He couldn't revive his clan if he was homosexual, so he kept it to himself. Not even his aniki knew of his 'little' secret.

"Little my ass, " he retorted to his own thinking. If anyone else had been there, they would have been quite freaked out by how Sasuke loved to talk to himself. He talked about things every now and then that were on his mind, no matter if other people were around. The only thing he wouldn't say in public is his deepest thoughts, the ones that lingered, and stayed. Those were the worst to witness.

The young Uchiha grasped a towel, and stood up, getting out of the tub, and drying himself off. Just thinking about his nii-san again made him shiver and feel his hands on his body again, touching, feeling, pinching, and grazing. He then felt himself get aroused, and growled slightly, as he took hold of his pulsing member, and started pumping it with his hand, moving it up and down his shaft, and putting his thumb on the tip from time to time. He groaned, imagining his hand to be his brother's, and cried out, as he came into his hand. He wiped off the sticky white substance with his towel, and frowned. If anyone close to him knew his little 'secret', he'd have hell to pay, and probably more enemies than he already had.

He put the dirty towel with his dirty training clothes, as he took another from the neat stack near the tub, sighing, and tying it around his waist. Even in his home, he could feel eyes on him like a hawk. Sasuke was partially right in his fright, as a particular weasel watched from afar, silently observing, and silently waiting for his otouto. "Otouto, you've grown strong..." he said, hoping it to come out impassively, but instead, a tinge of sadness overwhelmed the words, as the Uchiha exile hopped into his old, dust-attracting home, following Sasuke in the shadows as he walked to his room.

_'Kill me, Sasuke,' _Itachi thought sadly, looking at the younger Uchiha's naked back, _'Kill me, before I hurt you again...'_

* * *

Aaaaaand Chapter 1 is complete! I think, altogether, the chapters will be around 10 (If I remember to write! So keep reviewing, so I won't forget about it!) I'm aware that it's pretty short, but it's _just _the beginning! So shhhhhh, it'll be longer soon! Don't worry! It also looked so much longer on Microsoft Word ;.; 

Also, advanced criticism is also allowed. I want to know ANYTHING that lacks in my fic .

Oh, and R&R, or I'll send Itachi to **KEEL JOO**

**Itachi:** Rawr. –Sharingan-

**Crimson**: Uhm... –Glomps Itachi again-

**Itachi:** GAH, damn woman! Stop that!

**Crimson:** No!

**Sasuke**: -frowns- Don't I get a say in this? I mean, I AM paired up with Itachi...

**Itachi & Crimson**: NO!

**Sasuke**: -sulks- ...O-okay...

**Crimson:** -turns to audience- Oh, hehe! Sorry, forgot I was in front of a crowd! Remember, review, or **REGRET**.

-_Crimson Lotus, the Lotus of the Reaper_


	2. Love and Hate

Aaaaand hello again! I'm so happy for all the reviews! I know, not that many people read about this pairing, but this is practically going to be about 120 reviews (roughly) for each chapter... I just hope those same twelve (Heck, even others) keep reviewing, because it makes Crimson-_san_ happy!

**Itachi:** Almost everything does, anyways...

**Crimson:** Shut yer trap -.- You have no opinion, now that you're my shonen-ai slave, along with Sasuke.

**Itachi:** Mangekyou Sharingan! **–ping-**

**Crimson:** Uh oh... Uhm... I should just skip to the reviews then...

--------------

**jedi.vixen –** Thanks! And will do! I hope I remember to keep this story updated!

**Kandal12345678 -** . Awesome! I probably won't forget to update this ;)

**lili-gaaralover – **I know it's wrong. But at the same time, don't you think it's sooo right?

**OMFG –** Hehe, glad you like it! I would write more if this blasted writers block didn't suddenly get dropped on me and squish me...

**Lycan180 –** Thanks! I don't think I can wait either! ;)

**Niver – **Yesss! More Uchihacest indeed:) I'd dance too, but I'm horrible at dancing T.T

**IL0tus – **Maybe looking into my profile will be bad . I just got off hiatus, and I deleted most of my old stories, so they shouldn't be up. Also, I'll probably be doing other stories as well, because I have a story project I need to do for school, and it has to be around 35 pages . So yeah, I hope I can get this updated at least once a week, maybe even half weeks...

**lemon I scream –** o.o Srsly? I thought I was bad at writing. o.o'

**Anime ROCKS –** Thanks! I just hope I can get more good chapters up, because I really don't want to get hit with another wave of Writer's Block, or even my Computer Chair Ass Lazy Syndrome. (CCALS)

**Mantineus –** Thanks:D

**blisblop** - :3 I think so too! It's like we're twins or something! Oh, and the flashback looked a LOT bigger on my word processor . I'll try to write them at least half a page long from now on, if I need to!

**Night Fox Riku –** Well, as much as I LOVE the SasuNaru pairing, I think Sakura would, honestly, be more clingy than him. And... well, I dunno. Maybe I'll include some one-sided NaruSasu later on. Maybe that'll force him to come out with his 'little secret' x3 And thanks! I'm not used to writing lemons... OR limes, at that matter, so I definitely need some help on that. But I'm hoping it's at least decent o.o And I hope this STUPID writer's block stops choking me, so I can write more!

**Also, the story might be held off until my book for school is finished.** Blasted Texas learning plans .o But I PROMISE to update as much as I can!

Completely forgot the text legend...

'_Blahhh' –_ Sasuke's thoughts

**_Blahhh –_** Itachi's thoughts

'**_Blahhh'_** – Itachi's flashback thoughts

'_blahhh' –_ Sasuke's flashback thoughts

Also, if any of my friends happen to come across this fanfic, I say "It's Haku! Don't ignore this damn it . "!!! (Yes, I _cosplay _. ) I know you read these things guys... **AS A WARNING, I WILL SAY THAT I DO, INDEED, SKIP AROUND POV'S A SHITLOAD.** But that's only so you get most of what you want out of the story – FLASHBACKS. –coughs- Anyways, I shouldn't have to repeat the disclaimer... So, on to the chapter!

**Itachi:** Waaaaaaait a minute...

**Crimson: **Huh?

**Sasuke:** You forgot to warn them about the... uhh... –blush-

**Itachi:** -coughs-

**Crimson: **Oh **yeah...** Gomen... ; -clears throat- So... There's a possible chance of a** lime** being in here... –pauses for effect- or a **_lemon_...**

**Also, tell me how you think it was! (If there is one in here o.o') And if I should improve it, tell me how:O**

**Warning: Rape, incest, yaoi, and possibly gore! Who knows?! So anyways, back to what was gonna happen before..._ TO THE STORY!!!_**

_**If Only It Wasn't You**_

**Chapter 2: Untitled

* * *

**

Sasuke lay motionlessly on top of his bed, awaiting sleep to overcome him. He was thinking about the massacre, and was thinking of how his brother was faring with countless numbers of Anbu Black Ops teams chasing after him. Though he shouldn't have cared less, he did. He wanted him to be safe, yet he needed to feel like he was being killed as he was awake and thinking. His thoughts raced over almost everything, and they mainly raced over his feelings. Why did he love his brother more than he should have? Why was he in love with his aniki? Why couldn't he hate him, and more importantly, why was it, that his hate turned into undying love and lust? This all puzzled the Ice Prince, which few things _ever_ did. His brows furrowed. Why couldn't unconsciousness take over him, and drain these thoughts away? Why was he still awake and why was he still thinking about his brother?

"If only someone knew..." he thought out loud. His eyes were finally starting to droop, and he was thanking the gods for it. Never had he had a good night's rest without the help of exhaustion or drowsiness. The corners of his mouth tugged up, as darkness overwhelmed his vision, and drifted him into unconsciousness.

* * *

Sasuke found himself lying in a bed, though it didn't look like his room. He looked around, seeing that the walls here weren't black but grey, and that no moonlight had shown through the window, as it was covered by curtains, though he could see everything as if it was broad daylight. Everything was either in black, white, grey, or red, so he knew it was from the sharingan. He didn't know if it was HIS sharingan doing it to his dream, and, seriously, he never remembered having a dream about Itachi in only boxers. 

Uchiha Itachi stood at the door, his almost completely nude form leaning against the frame, and looking at Sasuke with lust-laden eyes. Unlike Itachi, the younger Uchiha was stark naked and just looking at Itachi made him remember his hands...

'_Oh gods, what kind of hell was I put in?'_ the young prodigy thought, as his brother came closer and closer, licking his lips, and swaying his hips. His abs rippled as he walked, and his lips shining from the saliva, making Sasuke's problem even worse. Sasuke had started getting an erection even before Itachi had moved, but seeing him walking like that in a sexy, seductive way made him even more turned on. Itachi was in front of him now, staring at him with the same eyes that killed his clan, yet he couldn't even muster a slight feeling of hate toward his aniki. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Sasuke was beet red now, and the older Uchiha could tell.

"Otouto..." he whispered to him huskily, "What goes through... your mind..?"

Sasuke's eyes widened at the question, but turned his head to the bed sheets, but failing miserably, as his restraints held him to the spot he was in.

"You won't even answer your own aniki? Foolish brother..." he whispered in Sasuke's ear. He didn't even notice the older Uchiha climb onto the bed, hell, climb on _him_. "I'll show you to show respect to your elders..." With that, he licked the shell of Sasuke's ear, which made the younger of the two shiver at the contact. Itachi smirked, turning his brother's face to him, and capturing his lips, shoving his tongue into his brother's mouth, Sasuke's mouth parted just enough for the older Uchiha to explore the cavern known as his mouth. Oddly, the younger Uchiha tasted of peaches... **_I thought Sasuke hated peaches and sweets..._**

Smirking against Sasuke's lips, he pulled away, holding onto Sasuke's lower lip with his teeth, and letting it go, the skin turning a dark red, along with most of his body. Sasuke hadn't changed emotions since he turned his head. Itachi frowned slightly, but grinned like a wolf, as he saw Sasuke's erection, flying straight up in the air. He was surprised he hadn't noticed it until now...

He shifted his body downward, leaning near his brother's manhood. "Otouto, are you hiding something from me...?" he asked, his breath hovering over his younger brother's erection, making the younger jerk up, and making him bite his lip, as he looked at his brother with need. "So you have a problem, brother? Would you like some help?" he asked, licking the head of Sasuke's dick, and pushing his tongue inside of the slit, making Sasuke buck again as he moaned. Taking that as a yes, the prodigy licked the side of his brother's throbbing member, starting from the base and trailing to the top, leaving his otouto shivering and bleeding, as he had bit his lip in an attempt to not moan or groan.

Then, Itachi sucked on the tip, making Sasuke moan his name. As he sucked harder, he pushed down more. At this time, the younger Uchiha was already dripping pre-cum in his mouth, the taste slightly bitter, yet slightly sweet. As he savored the flavor, he pushed down fully, deep throating the Uchiha heir, making him claw his restraints in deep pleasure and bliss, and making him jerk up into Itachi's mouth, or at least he would have, if Itachi's hands hadn't held his hips down, and if he wasn't in restraints. The elder Uchiha partially grinned, as Sasuke still struggled to stop his moaning and panting, but failing miserably. He already stopped biting his lip, but now he was clamping his mouth shut, and closing his eyes. Itachi, though, didn't bother to look up, as he kept his mind on giving his otouto the best blowjob of his life. To add to the pleasure, he caressed and fingered his brother's balls. Sasuke couldn't hold the moans in anymore, as he moaned in a deep, lust-filled voice. His brother smirked, and started licking the sensitive skin underneath what he was sucking on. This made Sasuke louder in his sounds, the pants and moans he emitted echoing in the empty, foreign room.

'_Gods, I hope he doesn't find out I lo'-_ His thoughts were halted when he let out a louder, deeper moan, as he came in his brother's mouth, who swallowed his brother's seed, a small bit making a trail down from his mouth to his chin. He hastily licked it up with his tongue, and started climbing back to Sasuke's face, the same look from before on there earlier. Sasuke immediately burned up, turning a deep red, before looking into the eyes of his brother, which were, for some reason, closed.

"Tell me, brother... Have you been with anyone while I was gone...?" he breathed in his ear, getting Sasuke to turn an even deeper red.

'_I shouldn't be acting like this; I shouldn't be like this... This is wrong! I'm supposed to hate him. I'm not supposed to let him give me a fucking blowjob, and ENJOY it...' _Sasuke's thoughts were never-endingly bouncing through his subconscious, hitting sensitive areas, including where all his memories lay...

* * *

"_Aniki!" Sasuke shouted, running through the house, checking behind all of the doors, looking in all of the rooms, and even running outside once in a while, looking for his brother. "Anikiiii!!!!"_

"_Sasuke, what are you doing?"_

_The little Uchiha heir spun around to catch the sight of his brother in his Anbu uniform. "Gomen, aniki..." he shyly scuffed his feet on the ground, looking at his feet like a lovesick girl does when she's talking to her crush. "I was going to ask if you could help me train my kunai skills..." He looked at his brother, face flushed slightly, and eyes closed, mouth forming a small smile._

_Itachi coked a brow at the sight. '**Funny, Sasuke never did that before... Cute bastard,'** he noted, looking back down at his raven-haired sibling with a slight smile. "Sasuke?"_

_Sasuke stopped smiling, putting a finger to the curve of his mouth. "Well, you always tell me you'll help me, but you never do! I just thought you could umm... find some time?" Now he was swinging side to side, scuffing his feet._

_Itachi bent down, looking at the younger Uchiha straight in the eyes, now near his height. Sasuke looked into them, before Itachi's hand rose to Sasuke's face..._

_Sasuke began pouting the moment after his brother poked his forehead. "Gaaaahhh! Nii-san, you promi-" He was cut off mid-sentence as Itachi placed his lips on Sasuke's. It was only for a second, though it took Sasuke a few seconds just to realize what just happened. "N-Nii-san?"_

_Itachi smiled. And really, it wasn't forced. "I promise next time, otouto..." He placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, closing his eyes._

_Sasuke looked up, turning red almost instantly as he remembered his brother's lips on his own. "H-hai..."

* * *

_

It was odd how he'd start thinking about that time when he tried to ask Itachi for a kunai lesson while he was sitting on him, boxers being the only barrier between them.

"... Sasuke..."

His name brought him back from his thoughts. Looking back into his brother's eyes, Sasuke noticed Itachi's eyes were somewhat glazed over. "N-no, I haven't been with anybody..." he managed out, turning a light pink from the cherry red he was a few seconds ago.

**_Hesitation...?_** Itachi thought. "Hesitation isn't a good habit to pick up, otouto..." He lingered near his face befor he went down to Sasuke's neck, sucking hard and long on the tender flesh, making Sasuke gasp, and move his head as much as he could with restraints for Itachi's benefit and easier access. Licking and biting came next, making him shiver and let out a small moan. The older smirked against the red, bruised skin, as he licked it, soothing some of the pain he had caused in making his mark on his 'property'. He pulled away, looking at his younger brother once again. "If I were anyone else, I would have thought you were lying, with all that hesitation you give me..."

Itachi came in for another kiss, bruising and harsh, but he knew his brother loved it. Pulling away again, he smiled, before having a look of cold content, impassiveness, and uncaring as he casually wore. Red turned back to black, and the grey followed it, leaving them in a black room again, and leaving them fully clothed.

Sasuke blinked, seeing the restraints were gone, as he up and walked over to the door, where Itachi was standing, not making an effort to move. Odd thing was, how the hell could Itachi just stand there, as if nothing had happened, and as if he weren't even there for half of the time? It just didn't make sense.

"Gomen..." Itachi whispered. It was faint, but Sasuke could still hear it. "Otouto..." he started, while looking up, "why have you never stopped me?" His look of impassiveness and uncaring disappeared as fast as it had come. Sasuke was finding it almost impossible to read his emotions. But nothing could hide the pain and dread that filled the room at that moment, as Sasuke was standing quietly, looking at his brother with the same passionate sorrow and despair, even if only a twinge of it showed behind his permanent mask. Sorrow filled the both of them, as Sasuke knew the question, and Itachi knew the answer.

"Why have you never stopped me from hurting you so?"

* * *

Chapter 2 up? I dunno, I'm just REALLY sorry for getting this chapter in SOOOO laaaate! I'm very, very, very, VERY sorry! . I just got most of the plot for my school story done, so I'm VERY happy. But I'm still mad at myself for putting this off cuz of it . 

So I hope you review! CLIFFIE! Omg! Or at least I think that's considered a cliffie . Also, this was MEANT to be confusing (If it was, at all.) Like the sudden emotion changes. Yep. Yep yep. It's cuz I'm supa freakeh like that. Also, I'm feeling EXTREMELY ditzy. And no, I'm not blond. Surprisingly, I'm asian (o.O You are?). Yes, people, asian...

Yes, so –cough- uhh... That's why people think I'm high when I write this. I had to rewrite the end of this chapter because of how comedic it was... Yeah people, this ISN'T a romantic comedy. It's meant to be extremely sexish (is that even a word? O.o) and sorta scary and confusing at the same time. Damn stories. ANYWAYS...

REVIEW :D

--CR


	3. Note!

Hello everyone! It's been so long, and sorry for not replying to any reviews. v.v I've been caught up in school and stuff... anyway...

I actually just came on to say that I'll be re-writing the story. I read a few reviews, and uhm... now that I read it again, I'm gonna make it a bit less... confusing xD

So yes... it's gonna be written much better by the time I get this back up. Sorry for the extremely long wait!


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